Five Reasons Phones are Better Here

1. Their batteries last forever. I haven't charged mine in two days and it's still at 80%.

2. They come with a built in flashlight. Very handy for dark, dusty roads.

3. You can drop them a hundred times and they won't break.

4. They're simple to use. Even my mom could figure it out (sorry mom).

5. They make determining socioeconomic status really easy. Here, there are two types of lines - pre-paid and post-paid. The vast majority of people have pre-paid phones that require you to buy a scratch-off card. The chosen few (of which I am apparently one, these days) have a number that begins with 078830 and whose bill is paid at the end of the month. So ladies, if you meet a guy in a bar, and he gives you an "8830" number, you know you've got a winner.